The Blonde and The Monster
by ShortSh4dow
Summary: After Yuuzan's party, Haru left without word to Shizuku. Now a month later, she is no longer sure if he is ever coming back. Should she wait and hold onto hope of his return or will she allow herself to move on with the help of a man that always seems to be there when she needs him the most?... - YamaShizu alternate plot line (some HaruShizu later on)
1. Chapter 1

She didn't realize how painful it would be.

Shizuku detached herself from everything like she had always done, especially when it came down to studying. But this was the first time she felt too sick to study. She just stared at the book in front of her, unable to tell the difference between an integral and radical any longer. She thought she could always rely on her books, on the black and white facts to keep her straight. But now that she was surrounded by such uncertainty, she didn't know what to believe anymore. It left her so vulnerable, something she thought she'd never have to feel again. She guessed that's what she deserved by opening her heart once again. But no matter what she did, all she could do was think about him.

It really wasn't a surprise to her that Haru left after their fight. But it wasn't supposed to last. He was supposed to show up at school, attach himself to her as he had always done, and move past this with as little drama as possible. He wasn't supposed to be gone for weeks without a word. And surely he was not supposed to be worrying her like he was, leaving her to face such darkness. Everything was supposed to be fine.

But she never considered the possibility that he would never return.

The air in her room was suddenly suffocating, the pressure threatening to break her sanity. Shizuku stood and walked out of her room, taking her coat and bag with her as she did. She didn't know how far she would even venture out, just that she needed air. Even after she walked outside, she still felt like she was trapped behind invisible walls, unable to escape from the thoughts in her head. She had never realized what kind of hold Haru had on her mind, how easily it was for him to occupy her thoughts. It was a hazard she should've seen coming. Nothing good could come from attaching oneself emotionally to another. The only result of doing so would be the hollow pain that wouldn't leave from its home in the chest. _If only she could lose interest_…

She ended up wandering for a while until she found herself at the park. It was nearing the end of the day, the setting sun lit up the park with a golden glow. Shizuku lowered herself onto one of the steps where she could overlook the main walkway. Many happy couples passed by, laughing and holding hands. The sight made her feel sick. She just wanted to yell at them, tell them that none of that was going to last_ – that love was just an illusion – _and they would only get their hearts broken.

_If it's an illusion, why do people purposely seek love?_

She kicked the leaves on the stairs, smashing them under her boot. She remembered when she thought it made her feel good to be in such a relationship. She knew from the start what love meant; she had looked it up. But she let Haru guide her away from sense, as she always allowed him to do. It was a foolish thing to do. She had no need for a relationship like that. She did just fine before they met. Why did he have to take her away from that blissful ignorance? Why did he have to show her friendship and love?And why did he have to show her the pain of losing someone?

She stomped a little harder on the leaves. There was a lesson to learn there. Love was a stupid illusion, meant only to last for a short while until it faded or reality settled in. Love was something full of pain, so full of _regret_…

"I can't possibly imagine what those leaves did to offend you…"

_If you don't hold any regret in your choice…_

Shizuku froze, the crunching sound dying under her boot. She glanced up at the man as the wind picking up his blonde hair across his eyes. He looked slightly annoyed as he stood there, somewhat of a permanent expression, but she couldn't mistake the faint smile upon his lips. She was pretty sure he didn't even realize he was doing so. But seeing it made her feel a little more at ease. She just stared at him, interestingly not surprised that it was he who appeared at this time of distress.

"Yamaken."

…_that means you must've made the right decision._

The man watched her, as if he was gauging her volatility. Yamaken circled around, not once taking his eyes off of her. Many times before he tried to practice acting normal around her, like he didn't give a care at all. But in the end nothing had changed at all. He still couldn't stop the rapid beating in his chest when she was around. His mind still turned to a mess when conversing with her. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pry his eyes away.

She, however, had already diverted her gaze elsewhere. Sadly, her attention landed on a couple leaning into each other, laughing at each other's whispers. The pain in her heart contracted, making her expression twist. She could hear him suddenly halt beside her the moment she felt herself losing control. When she looked back up at him, she felt the tears finally fall from her eyes. She quickly looked away, trying to rub away the evidence.

"I-I just got something in my eye…don't think too much about it." After a few minutes she gave up on wiping away the tears. Her watery eyes again rested on the couple, her pain growing dull. "There's nothing to be done now, anyway. What's done is done. We've all made our choices."

_But no matter what you choose…_

He sat down beside her, following her line of sight. He sighed as he laced his fingers together in front of him. It had been almost a month since Haru left. It didn't really bother Yamaken. They weren't good friends to begin with so it wasn't like he missed the man. But it was constantly on his mind because he knew it was the source of Shizuku's unhappiness. He understood how much Haru meant to her and now she was hurting because of the man. She didn't deserve that. Yamaken bit his lip. At least _he_ wouldn't treat her like that. "You know, it's not your fault." He pressed his lips together, his eyes locked onto the leaves blowing at their feet. He couldn't handle looking into her eyes at the moment. "Haru was the one who overreacted and left you. There is nothing wrong with you or your choice. You're fine…just the way you are."

Shizuku's heart tightened again, making her look up at Yamaken. Her eyes were wide, taking him all in. He had such a serious look on his face, one she couldn't remember ever seeing before. The last time he was even remotely serious with her….well, it was when he had confessed – _when he had the confidence she would fall for him. _Her heart was throbbing, like it had been forced to beat again. Seeing this side of Yamaken…it was something she wished to see more of.

…_a person will always continue to imagine the untaken path._

He turned away from her stares, blushing harder than he would've liked. He was so used to her not really giving him a second look that he didn't know what to do with the attention. He tried not to read too much into it; she was probably thinking about how much better her grades were than his this term or about dinner options. He doubted she ever thought about him outside of their meetings. Haru was her whole life, a new wall that had been built around her. But now with Haru gone, he wasn't sure what it would mean for the two of them. Could he swoop in and take her for himself? But it was never that easy, was it? Even with that monster gone, nothing had really changed.

Yet he did not realize that, to Shizuku, _everything_ had changed.

Shizuku abruptly stood, dusting off her skirt. She tried her best to keep her eyes off of Yamaken, his presence suddenly too much for her. The trails of tears were still on her cheeks, her eyes red-rimmed. She knew she was making a scene and now receiving some odd looks from the people walking past but she really couldn't get herself to care. She just wanted it all to stop. She was tired of feeling so worn and tired – _from feeling so empty_. She was frustrated with herself, that she couldn't contain her feelings. She had always done a good job of it before, keeping it in constant check and hiding it when she could behind her studying. But since Haru had broken through….she had felt incredibly unstable and had no idea how to fix it without him.

She turned to leave – _to run_ – but Yamaken had her by the arm, preventing her from walking away. Shizuku tried to pull away but was unsuccessful. A painful expression settled in her features. "Yamaken, I-I need to go…to study…"

But, from the pain on her face, he knew she was lying. Yet as they finally locked eyes, he felt incapable of helping her, knowing that no amount of words would soothe her aching heart. He had never wanted more than in that moment to be the one that could relieve her pain, to be on the receiving end of her love… "I want to be here for you…if you'll let me."

She felt her breaths growing shallower. She stared into his golden brown eyes, feeling her heart pick up its pace. This feeling was not what she wanted right now. It only amplified the hollow pain in her heart. "Please, Yamaken. Don't do this."

He felt a pain shock him through his heart. Her eyes were distant as they were on him, like she saw right through him. It made him feel incredibly vulnerable. He could easily recall all the times she had given him this look before, when Haru was nearby. She never saw anyone but that man. Yamaken sighed. He really thought he'd be able to talk with her. _That she would come to him_. His thoughts turned fretful, which made his hand loosen its grip on her. Shizuku took her chance to slip away, stumbling a couple steps past him. She glanced over her shoulder, giving him one last painful look before starting off.

He was not aware of the conflicting emotions in her heart at that moment, just as he didn't see her begin to cry again. And he had no idea that those tears weren't for Haru this time…but for the other man that was in love with her.


	2. Chapter 2

It was another three days before Yamaken saw her again.

He was sitting on the patio of a café, flipping through one of his school books as he sipped his fancy coffee. His eyes were on the words but he couldn't focus on any of it. His mind was occupied with Shizuku, as it always seemed to be of late. He constantly tried to think of ways he could approach her, what he could say that would finally get her mind off of Haru. No matter what he thought of, however, he still came up with the short end. There was no way he could get her to forget about Haru and fall in love with him. It was a hopeless task, one that he was too stupid to give up on. He tossed the book back in frustration, pushing up his reading glasses so he could massage the bridge of his nose. _If only he could lose interest…_

"Are you giving up already?"

He looked up to face Shizuku, who stood on the other side of the railing. She had plastic bags in hand, looking as if she just came from grocery shopping. Her face gave no indication that their last meeting had occurred, her expression as composed as could be. Strangely, this irked him, which contributed to his sharp response. "Who said I was giving up? I just needed a break."

Shizuku stepped closer to the railing, looking over at the book. She read the first few paragraphs, recognizing it. "That's about the history of the class system and its economic impact, correct? I read it last year. It wasn't hard to comprehend."

"That sounded like an insult," he muttered, watching as her eyes continued to read what was on the page. He leaned back in his chair, adjusting his glasses as he attempted to read her expression. "What? Do you think that I need help understanding?"

She shook her head, though not looking at him directly. Her eyes found safety in the written word of the book in front of him, something she couldn't usually find in others. At least that was how she used to feel. Now she was comfortable with many people…but probably most of all with Yamaken. He was her equal, if nothing else. "You could do it…if you put your mind to it."

Her words caught him off guard. He could feel his cheeks slowly turning red as he silently thanked the heavens that she was looking away at the moment. His heart was throbbing painfully in his chest, his mind unable to make any coherent thoughts. It killed him that she did this to him so easily. Sometimes he wished that she could understand what kind of effect she had on others. Yamaken cleared his throat after gathering himself, gesturing for Shizuku to take the seat across from him. "You could join me, you know, instead of standing there."

Shizuku straightened up, shifting the bags in her hand. There was a fluttering pressure in her chest that made her feel suddenly uncomfortable in front of him. "I need to get home so the cabbage doesn't spoil."

Yamaken crossed his arms, willing to have her walk away. He expected that kind of response from her by now and really didn't see the need to fight it. But he sighed as his heart gave in to a little pull. It pained him enough to constantly see her walk away; he didn't want to watch her do so again. And it wasn't like Haru was around to stop him anymore. He stood, collecting his stuff quickly. "I'll walk you home then."

She didn't respond but patiently waited as he circled around the patio area, joining her on the sidewalk. Yamaken snatched one of the bags from her hand without a word, swinging it over his shoulder with a light smile. He hoped he looked a little more carefree than he truly felt at the moment. He was incredibly nervous being this close to her again; their last meeting still left a heavy impression in his mind. He started forward, trying to calm his thoughts and act normal at the same time, and was surprised when Shizuku yanked at his sleeve. He paused, blushing greatly at her touch. She gestured the opposite way with her thumb.

"I live that way."

Without uttering a word, Yamaken spun on his heels to head in the other direction. No matter how many times he did it, his sense of direction never got any better and still left him incredibly embarrassed for messing up, especially when it was in front of her. He hated looking so pathetic. So he took long steps to create an air of confidence, something he was starting to lack, to make himself look cooler in front of Shizuku. She came up behind him and matched her stride with his, stifling a smile or what could've been a laugh. He glanced down at her, watching as she composed her face carefully back to an unreadable mask. He wanted to ask her how she was doing, what was under that mask, but he figured she would shoot him down in an instant. That and he feared he wouldn't be able to handle whatever it was she responded with.

_Are you scared of becoming more hurt?_

Yuuzan's words echoed in his head, which irked him. He didn't want to be thinking about that creep right now! But, no matter how much Yamaken tried to deny those words, they were still the truth. He was scared. He didn't know what he could do, what he could say, and feared that he would mess up what he already had with Shizuku. And that would only lead to more pain, pain he knew he was too weak to tolerate. He sighed. He was already aware that it was a path of thorns he was on. But he was too much of an idiot to give up on it.

Yamaken shook his head, trying to shake away his thoughts. He chose to put his focus on something else and looked at the bags she was carrying, doing his best to avoid eye contact with her. "Why do you have so much cabbage?"

"It's for dinner tonight," she responded simply, her steps uninterrupted. If he didn't know any better, he would think nothing could shake the woman.

Yamaken raised an eyebrow at her. "All of it? Are you, like, a rabbit?"

Shizuku shrugged but otherwise ignored the comment, looking down towards the ground. She brought the bag of vegetables closer to her as her mind began to fill with memories of their last meeting. That was a low for her, and something she wished to forget (and hoped that he would too). But it had happened. What she felt at that time was real and there was no changing what she had revealed to him. But strangely there was a relief she felt to know that there was at least one person who she could share her pain with…even if it was Yamaken.

"It's been strange."

Yamaken shuffled his steps at the sound of Shizuku's voice but quickly recovered. "What are you talking about? There are a lot of strange things around here…"

"Haru's absence."

"Oh. Haru." Saying his name left a sour taste in his mouth. He really didn't want to get started on this subject. Yet it always seemed that their conversations went back to the monster. Was there really no getting away from him? "I suppose so. It _has_ been considerably quiet."

Shizuku shuffled uneasily with his words, her thoughts clouding her mind. She wanted to say that she missed Haru, despite how upset she has been, and how she has been filled with regret since letting that fight happen. But was it something that she could tell Yamaken, especially knowing the feelings he held for her? But…they_ were_ friends; it was something friends did, right? Then she remembered something he said…"The other day…when you said you wanted to be here for me…did you really mean it?"

He was shocked that she had brought up that exchange. He thought for sure she would've filed it away already. "Of course."

"Does that mean…you can help with that feeling?…th-that absence?"

Yamaken's heart leapt at her words. Filling that place in her heart was all he ever wanted to do. And now was his chance. His eyes lit up as they rested upon her. "That's definitely something I can do."

She gave a very faint smile as they finally approached her house. Unlike the thoughts Yamaken was having, hers were purely innocent. She just wanted a friend to distract her from thoughts of Haru, someone who knew how to avoid such conversations. Natsume would've been the expected choice, but all the brunette could go on about was finding Haru. Shizuku didn't need the reminder. She paused at the gate, looking up at Yamaken as she took the bag he held from him. "Thank you for walking me home." She gave a polite bow before opening the gate and heading toward the door. Just the few steps between them took off a pressure from her shoulders that she didn't realize she was burdened with.

Yamaken was feeling like his opportunity was slipping through his fingers once more. "Mizutani..." he started, his voice a little quiet and shaky.

Shizuku spun to look at him, though her expression made it look like she hadn't caught his voice. "I'll see you around, Yamaken-kun." With a last little nod, she opened the door and slid in.

The moment it shut, Yamaken felt his heart sink. There went that chance. He spun on his heels, sighing loudly as his hand ran through his hair. It didn't seem like a productive meeting with her but her words started to echo in his head. _Can you help with that feeling?_ Yamaken's hand drifted over his chest, pulling a little at his coat. This was a major step for him. Though he wasn't able to capitalize on all of it, his foot was in the door.

Now was when the real challenge started.

Yamaken pulled the phone out of his pocket, quickly dialing a number before putting it to his ear. "...Hello...Yes, I need a ride..."


End file.
